My husband works five days a week, but he only showers on weekends. I’ve mentioned that by midweek, he starts to have an odor, but he just smiles and says, “I’m too tired after work.”
We’ve been married for almost a year and a half. In the beginning, I didn’t really notice how often he showered. Since we had different work schedules—I worked mornings while he worked nights—we didn’t often see each other while getting ready. Looking back, that might be why I didn’t realize it sooner.
Three months into our marriage, I started working from home, which was convenient since we were planning to have a baby. That’s when I noticed something: he only showered once a week. At first, I didn’t think much of it because he still changed his clothes daily, and I didn’t notice any strong odor. But once I became aware of it, it started bothering me. Still, I didn’t say anything right away because I didn’t want to be rude.
As time passed, it became harder to ignore, especially at night when we were in bed. I tried dropping hints, saying things like, “This weather is perfect for a nice shower” or “Do you want to freshen up?” But he just brushed it off. The most he did was wash his face every morning.
Since I shower daily, his habits felt quite different from mine. But I still hesitated to bring it up directly. Things got more difficult when he switched to a job that required physical labor—he’d come home sweaty, change his clothes, and go straight to bed without showering. At that point, I felt uncomfortable.
When I got pregnant, I finally decided to talk to him about it. I told him, “I might be extra sensitive because of the pregnancy, but could you shower at least three times a week?”
At the time, hygiene felt especially important to me—not just for myself, but for our baby, too. To my relief, my husband immediately agreed. I even felt a little guilty for not mentioning it earlier. Throughout my pregnancy and after childbirth, he was incredibly supportive, and I truly appreciate him for that.
However, after everything settled down, he went back to showering once a week.
He’d come home from work sweaty, change into clean clothes, and go straight to holding our two-month-old baby. I felt uneasy. I started worrying about hygiene, especially since babies have delicate immune systems. Not only had he returned to his old habits, but his hair now looked greasier, and even his weekly shower didn’t seem enough anymore.
One night, I finally brought it up.
“Why did you stop showering more often?” I asked gently. “I’ve been trying to ignore it, but it’s been bothering me for a while. I managed before, but now we have a baby.”
I was frustrated, but I tried to keep my tone calm. He looked surprised, and I realized that maybe I should have spoken up sooner.
Then, he said something that completely confused me.
“I never changed my routine.”
What?
He claimed that he never agreed to shower more often and didn’t understand why I thought he had.
Feeling overwhelmed, I insisted, “But you agreed to it!”
He just shrugged and said, “No, I didn’t.”
I was stunned. Had I misunderstood?
That night, he slept in the spare room while I stayed with our baby, trying to process everything.
After reflecting for a few days, I wondered if I had misinterpreted his reaction before. Maybe I assumed his silence meant agreement. But he had made some effort—he started using alcohol wipes to freshen up. Eventually, I apologized for how I handled the conversation, and he apologized as well.
Then, I finally asked the question I had been avoiding:
“Why do you only shower once a week?”
His response?
“I don’t want to wash off my manliness.”
I was speechless.
At this point, I’ve stopped hinting and started being more direct: “You really need to shower at least three times a week.” But he still insists he’s too tired from work.
Then last night, I noticed something that truly concerned me.
There was something on his shirt. When he took it off, I noticed flaky patches of dead skin on his back.
I gently told him, “This isn’t just about smell—this could affect your health.”
He simply nodded but didn’t say much.
I want to be understanding, but I also feel like hygiene is important, especially with a baby. Am I asking too much?